The lingering neuropathy in my hands and feet from my first chemotherapy is increasing on the days that follow the pump removal; it's noticeable and on the irritating side, but neither painful nor debilitating. I can type and button my clothes without too much trouble, so that's half the battle.
Oh, I got my medical marijuana card in the mail a couple weeks ago. Woot, as the kids say. The "charm" of its psychoactive properties has long disappeared for me, but it's still a help to me during chemo weeks for handling the nausea and the general "blech" feeling.
Yes, I haven't posted in a few weeks. I confess I've had some sour moods recently and thought it wise to step away from writing here for a time. Life is a bit of a see-saw effect lately; on one hand, fun and loving times with a great companion. On the other hand...well, you're reading this, so most of you have some inkling. The fear, worry, uncertainty, speculation, feelings of helplessness and unfairness...to say it's pretty goddamn wearying is the most gentle way I can put it.
The reminders of it when I'm most trying to push it out of my mind for a short time (e.g., commercials for treatment centers, news stories, snippets of overheard conversation, etc.) are the most jarring. Worse still is having people who know my condition drone on about how bad their cold is, etc. I've even had someone tell me how great I look and how well I seem to be doing tell me about all the people they knew who died from cancer last year. I understand that we all have our troubles, but I sometimes wish there was more of a filter between mind and mouth for some people.
All right, rant over. I'll try to keep these to an absolute minimum. Back to keeping positive, since I think it's better for me and those that have to deal with me.
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| Treble clef and "a little square" |
I'd like to wish my readers a very Happy New Year...hoping for better, easier times ahead for everyone.
4 comments:
I'm glad it's half over for you.
Bad moods and all the other things you described are perfectly natural. Honestly, if you didn't have them, I would be worried about you.
I often have wished for a 5 second delay on life.
You were a joy to have around. I sort of missed the Butterfly tattoo. :-)
As for bad moods, I generally allow myself one good sobbing fit per week. Thirty seconds, then I'm good for another seven days.
Thank you, the party was a lot of fun. And I still have a lot of stick-on tattoos (and a couple of mustaches), so maybe you'll see me with one in the future.
I think that you are allowed frustrated angry shake-fist-at-sky freak outs. Life has thrown you a hairy spit and poo covered curveball and you are handling it with such grace and aplomb. You are an impressively wonderful person mr. Whelan. That being said, feel free to be all bitter and weepy once in a while- those that care for you can take it. emotional poo purge is a good thing.
Amen!
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