Two Telephone Conversations: Last night: I walk out to the kitchen to get a drink of water; Dad holds out the phone to me. "Do you want to talk to (Family Friend)?" It'd had been a long time since I've spoken to this person, so I thought it might be fun to catch up. "Sure!"
Family Friend: "Hi, Tom...your father tells me that you have cancer. How are you doing?"
Me: "Pretty well, actually. Yes, I have colon cancer."
Family Friend: "Oh! My father died from colon cancer! It was a horrible, terrible, painful death! Just awful!"
Me: <awkwardly> "Uh...I'm sorry to hear that."
Family Friend: "It's quite a nasty, nasty disease. I've known a number of older people who've gotten it. It tends to spread everywhere in your body. Mrs. Blahblah ended up with large, disgusting growths under her skin before she died a horrible, terrible, painful death, and Mr. Blahblahblah took his own life rather than face a horrible, terrible, painful death, and Mr. Blahblahblahblah..." <conversation goes on like this for a bit>
Me: <long pause after Family Friend finishes litany of misery> "I'm sorry, Family Friend, but my girlfriend just called me on my cell phone to let me know she's stranded somewhere, so I'm leaving to pick her up. 'Bye!" <click>
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This morning: Dr. P. from NCI called at 6:30 AM to let me know that my surgery is scheduled for August 20th. "We believe you to be an excellent candidate for this trial", etc. Said that they'd keep in touch, arrangements forthcoming.
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My telling of the first conversation was exaggerated, of course, but only slightly. (I've watched too much "Monty Python", apparently.) I realize that most people mean well (or more likely, plain just don't think) when they rattle off these stories to me. Still...I'm glad I'm less sensitive than I used to be.
I'd like to offer a heartfelt and sincere thanks to family, friends, and acquaintances who have acted tactfully in the face of all this toward me during these past two years. It can't be easy treating someone you know normally when they're facing a potentially life-threatening illness, but most everyone has been really great. I can't tell you how much I appreciate it. Thank you.
3 comments:
I have been guilty of said behavior... and I am very aware of not doing it now...
August 20... that's really soon... which is really good! They sound, on the whole, a lot more positive than your reports from the clinic.
:-) See you soon!
Liz, you haven't said anything to me remotely along the lines of what Family Friend said. You've been on the side of the angels, really, as have the vast majority of people have, family, friends, acquaintances, and strangers. It's just the ones who say mind-boggling stuff tend to stick out.
It is soon. They first told me August 8th, but I said that I might be busy that week. :-P Yes, the folks at NIH have been very positive.
I didn't think I had with you... but have in the past... there are parts of me that still aren't very socially adept...
I always want to think that I would be sharp and witty back (Yes, I'm sure I will die a horrible death. Maybe at my funeral you can tell everyone you warned me... or something), but usually I just am polite and don't push back...
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